Letting Go

Copyright Tattered Edge 2009

So I thought I would share a story about something really cool that happened this time a year ago and what I learned.

A year ago, I was approached by a large US company about licencing my artwork. I was really excited about the idea and a little scared- working out the fine print and entering into a legally binding contract can be challenging, never mind if you're dealing with another country!

I talked with the company's representative and they told me what they had in mind and asked that I do some work pertaining to their vision. I did and I sent the specs off to them. At that point, the rep dropped the ball. I waited a month before contacting them, then sent an email. No response. I was a bit miffed, but I also knew this person travelled overseas alot, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and waited.

Meanwhile, I was thinking about this who deal, alot. It occurred to me that if, at this early point in our working relationship, they weren't communicating, it was a good indication of things to come. Anyone who knows me know that I like to be on top of things, that it's very important to me that there be good organization and communication if I am going to be working with someone. Integrity is everything. If I say I am going to do something, I do it and I expect the same in return.

At first I was feeling pretty annoyed and disappointed about things stalling just as they were getting started, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed to trust in what I knew to be true-what I know from experience is that the universe never lets me down. If something is meant to happen, it just falls neatly into place-that is the magical quality of my life. Conversely, if something isn't meant to happen, there are big red warning signs that I will see, if I am paying attention. The more I thought about what was happening (or not happening), the more I felt okay about letting this opportunity go. I just knew that this was not the right time.

As it turned out, it was the right thing to do. Sitting here a year later, I can't imagine having to juggle fulfilling a contract while dealing with all the health stuff I've been through in the last while. It would have quite possibly been crazy-making. Sometimes it pays to be still and listen to what your instincts are telling you.

Don't get me wrong-it would have been so easy to chase that dream, but I think there was wisdom in letting it go. It doesn't mean that I will never do that kind of work. Someday I might be lucky enough to have the opportunity offered to me again and if I do and it feels right, then I'll go for it.

One of the most important things I've learned in my life is that saying no to one things allows you to say yes to something else. If you let something go, you allow space for something else to come in. You can't receive anything if your fist clenched tight. I look at this whole experience as a reminder of that.

It reminds me of the line the Stones made famous:

"You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you find you get what you need."

2010 Postcards

Copyright Tattered Edge 2009

So after such a long while, I finally managed to make some art. This is a postcard made for the 2010 postcard project my friend Dawn is hosting. It's to celebrate the 2010 Olympics and Paralympics. My postcard is not up on the blog yet, but you can see the rest here.

The symbolism is thus:

The piece is called "Spirit In Motion" which is the motto of the Paralympics. The bird represents that spirit.

On the tail of the bird are the words "Citius, Altius, Fortius" (Higher, Faster, Stronger) which is the Olympic motto.

The bird itself is made with German script to represent that there have been times when the peaceful and inclusive ideals of the Olympic movement have been challenged by world politics.

The bird is flying in a north-westerly direction, making it's way to Vancouver, BC, Canada for the 2010 games.

The circles represent the Olympic rings, of course and all the colours of the rings (red, black, yellow, green & blue) are included in the background.

The Kerrisdale Community Centre is having a grand opening celebration this Saturday & Sunday where you can view all the postcards in the gallery for free between 11 a.m. & 5 p.m. On Saturday there will be cake and the Olympic 2010 mascots will be making an appearance. Fun times! For more information, click either of the links above.

Over the weekend I was able to drop by the ATC swap and visit with everyone. It's been awhile since I was able to go and it was great just hanging out and talking about art.

Penn hosted a collaborative book on a tea theme and she was handing out the finished product to the participants. I got to have a look and it was really great-quite chunky and full of all kinds of little extras. I wish I'd been able to participate, but the timing was bad for me with preparing for and starting chemo.

I picked up the summer issue of Sew Somerset while I was out and about. The cover caught my eye and I did a quick flip through and liked what I saw. Lots of good inspiration there. The prices of magazines are steep in Canada ($16) and that, coupled with a limited amount of space to house magazines means I have become more discerning about which issues I buy. I don't buy any of them regularly anymore, but rather thumb through first to see if there's anything new that catches my eye. This issue was worth buying-I've got pages tabbed and I noticed that my pal Pilar has an article on Sketch Quilts published. Congrats to you Pip!! Well done!

In other news, my best friend brought her new puppy home yesterday! Dexter is Indy's little brother. (Same mum and dad, different litter.) He's a fair bit bigger than when we took this photo, but still just as darling. It's going to be lovely to have our dogs grow up together. I am sure they are going to be very good friends. We're going to introduce them to one another later this week. Puppy love!

Good Things

So last night, we were give the rare treat of attending a dinner given for the parents of the graduates of the culinary arts chef apprenticeship program. The students, including our son cooked us a lovely meal. The first coarse was a refreshing Caesar salad with a Parmesan cheese crisp. (Which I just love!)

The salad was followed by a tomato gazpacho which was cool and spicy.

The main course was a pesto encrusted halibut with a mushroom risotto cake served with sprigs of steamed asparagus, cherry tomatoes and sundried tomato garnish. YUM!

Finally came the incredible dessert tray. On the left is a chocolate mousse topped with fresh seasonal berries (strawberries, blueberries and blackberries), in the center, a blueberry tart and on the right a decadent fudge brownie with a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream. It was all heavenly, though I drew the line at the brownie because I am not a sweet tooth. (My husband got to enjoy it!) The dinner was a wonderful way to wrap up my son's final week of school.

Tuesday night, I managed to keep a volunteer commitment I had made when I was between chemos and feeling optimistic about what my energy level would be like. I went with my son to the Russell Peters concert to help sell Bands of Hope bracelets to raise money for the MS Society. Russell Peters generously agreed to allow us to do this, as Russell's brother, Clayton's wife has MS so their family supports the MS Society. We were happy to have the opportunity to help.

Yesterday morning I emailed Russell to thank him for allowing us to fund raise at his concert and for supporting the local MS Society. (And by extension me and my family.) His brother Clayton emailed me back last night, with a generous offer of tickets, however we were out at the aforementioned dinner and didn't get home till after we knew the concert had already started, so we missed out.

I emailed him back to thank him from the bottom of my heart though-it was incredibly sweet of him and I appreciate the gesture more than he could know. It's not something I was expecting and it just made me feel so blessed that he would be so generous. So Clayton, if you happen to read this, just know that even though we missed out, you totally made our day with your thoughtfulness. THANK YOU! And THANK YOU Russell Peters for being so decent. If you get a chance to take in Russell's concert, I know you will have a fabulous time and probably laugh till your face hurts. I'm not sure where he's headed next, but you can check out his tour schedule.

Other good things I have to share are these:

Paper Artsy is now carrying a variety of really lovely and interesting jewellery findings/beading supplies. They have just uploaded them to their website in the last week and you can find them here. Also check out their new metal texturizing tools. I have never seen anything like them but they could be used in any number of creative ways-I am thinking you could make card embellishments or texturized facades for shrines or focal points for jewellery. They have some samples that remind me of antique tin tiles that are just yummy!

My gal pal Deb has an incredible soon-to-be-released line of Western themed shoes and handbags. You can take a sneak peek at the shoes here, here and here. If you love handbags, there's plenty of styles to choose from: Totes, messenger bags, wallets, cosmetic cases, pouches, wrist bags, & coin purses oh my!! I am so excited for Deb and I hope her line is wildly successful. Hat's off to you pardner!

I also managed to sneak away a couple times from the hospital grind to pop into the mall for a little bit of retail therapy. I desperately needed something to read, so I picked up a copy of The Third Man Factor, by John Geiger, which is along the lines of mountaineering, an armchair passion of mine.

I also treated myself to a pair of Sketchers, which I've wanted for ages. They are so comfy and light it's like not wearing shoes at all! I have to say though, finding them is like a treasure hunt-they sell out fast here in Canada and I had to go to 8 stores before I finally tracked a pair down. I would still like to get a pair that look more sandal like with the little straps over the top. I'll keep looking.

And finally, I wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all the peeps who commented or emailed with movie and book suggestions and well wishes for my health. I really appreciate it. I've noted down all your recommendations and will access my library database and see what's available. I tend to "browse" online and reserve my reading materials-that way one of my guys can swing by and pick things up for me as they are available. (Evil genius at work!)

Wherein Chemo #3 Kicks My Butt

Copyright Tatterededge 2009

Hi Gang, I thought I would do a quick post to let you all know I am still here. The pic above is the view from my world lately. Indy's been hanging out with me on the couch or in bed, keeping me company as I try and sleep my way back to human again.

I'm lying low as I recover from round 3 of chemo.You have no idea how awful it really is unless you've been through it and I now feel sorry for every single person who has ever had to have it. It's barbaric. For me, the worst part is that if I take one drug to help with one side effect of the chemo, there is always another thing messed up by doing that that makes me miserable. I can't win. Anyway, I hope to be feeling better later in the week.

So want to keep me company? Recommend me a book (fiction or art or biography) or DVD and I will try to send my minions out to get it for me. Or just post and tell me what you've been up to. Honestly, it may take me a bit to respond, but I will read your comments!

Answering the Question

Catherine has asked me if I was going to write down the things I was about at this particular moment or day in time, what would they be? She said just to write down as many things as I can until I can't really think of any more.

So what are I about right now? Let's see...

I'm about:

wanting to beg/borrow or steal (ha!) art books and magazines to fire my imagination over the summer.

having coffee at Starbuck's with friends

making connections

delving deeper

learning to deal with stress better

rising above

letting go of everything that no longer serves me

enjoying Indy, my dog, my shadow, my sweet little love

waiting for autumn

textiles

soothing my soul with music (The Wailin' Jennys are being played the most at the moment.)

circles

hands

Caren D'arche crayons

vintage aqua

collecting journals but not writing in them (Strange but true.)

papering my life with post-it notes

making rhubarb crisp from rhubarb grown in my organic garden

bracelets

being at loose ends

wanting to wander the forest

beach combing

making do

contemplating my next move

simplifying

being still inside

searching for motivation

celebrating my friendships

taking lots of photos

baking bread

playing with paint

Laughing

watching the post box

being comfortable in my own skin

writing

The summer stretches before me and it's one big question mark. Some people find winter challenging. For me it's summer. I don't do well with heat (I now know that's an MS thing) and everyone goes away and it's just kinda lonely. I've never liked summer. I can't wait for it to be over.

I have this odd urge to sew pillows and pillow cases. I have no idea why-it's not like I need pillows or anything, but that's what I've been thinking about making. I've keep thinking about making a talisman of some sort. I've begun chipping away at a small zine for an exchange. It's crazy-I have these ideas, but when it comes to working on something, I just don't feel like it. I am searching for my motivation. It will come back to me eventually, on way or another.

I am waiting for word on the Olympics-it's occurred to me that any time now I should find out if I'm on board or not. I'd really like to be a part of the team. I mean it's the OLYMPICS and they are happening right here and I have always been such a big fan. Anyone who knows me, knows everything stops in my house when the Olympics are on. We always have an opening and closing ceremony dinner with foods from the host country. (I guess we'll be eating back bacon, maple syrup and poutine this year!)

The Paralympics will be here two weeks after the Olympics and that is going to be hugely interesting and inspiring. I've always wished they would televise the Paralympics just as they do the Olympics. I've put my name forward for both events. *fingers crossed*

If I am quiet over the next while, it's because round 3 of chemo is on Wednesday. *dreads* It usually takes me a few days to recover, because I seem to be queen of the side effects.

So I will tag a few folks, but no pressure. Link back to me so I can see what you wrote. Write a comment here so people can go see your list. Like Catherine, I am interested to see what comes of it.

Bonne Fete!

So today I am celebrating the birthdays of two of my most favourite people on the planet: my son and my precious friend Anna share a June 6th birthday. (And so does the Dalai Lama!)

I had planned to call Anna this morning to wish her well and to catch up, but she beat me to it and called me from NYC yesterday afternoon. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever known and a call from her is like being wrapped in a warm hug. She's celebrating a milestone birthday (I am going to be kind and not divulge which one) but she's so beautiful and vibrant that no one looking at her would even guess anyway. (And I told her so!)

Today I went with my son and his girlfriend downtown to the tattoo shop where I plan to get inked if and when I can get well enough to do it. (Can't do anything like that while on chemo!) The kids wanted to get piercings and this shop, Adrenaline has an excellent reputation. I have to tell you that it really is a wonderful shop. Everyone is so friendly and their customer service is excellent. Their set up is incredibly sterile and I was impressed with how they handle the whole piercing process.

My son got an eyebrow piercing (he went first) and it was so quick, he said it hardly bothered him at all. I watched the whole thing and it did seem almost painless. His girlfriend got a nose piercing and I felt sorry for her because that looked like it hurt. Alot. Going through cartilage is a bit tougher than just skin. Her eyes were watering and I was a bit worried she was going to faint, but she survived just fine and said once it was done, it was okay. Honestly folks, if you have to choose, go with the eyebrow-it's way faster!

It was really nice to spend the afternoon with the kids doing something like that. (Yeah, I know, I'm weird.) I will most definitely be going there to get inked. I just like the whole vibe of the place. It's a far cry from the seedy underground dives that tattoo parlours of old were. This is far more upscale-more mainstream looking than the famed Miami Ink, actually and you've got to love a place that blasts the Gypsy Kings over the stereo system! If you are in Vancouver and are planning to get some body art, this is the place to do it!

The kids have gone off to dinner and a movie with a group of friends so the house is quiet...except for Indy who is currently "killing" an empty plastic water bottle. I think he likes the cracking sound it makes as he bites it. He gets to destroy it till it's flat and then we take it away so he doesn't actually rip it apart. He's pretty good about following the rules and will drop it when asked.

I have one last little bit of horn tooting. We went to an awards ceremony on Wednesday night as our son was given the award for top student in the culinary arts. Aside from one more event, a dinner for the parents of the kids in the chef apprenticeship program, we are DONE with graduation events. YAY!! Between all the grad events and milestone birthdays we've celebrated in the last 5 weeks, I've had enough partying! It was fun while it lasted, but now we're all worn out and ready for some quiet weekends. It's felt like a marathon and really, it was, especially with the heat wave we've had in the last week. 31C is just too hot!

I am going to try and get some work done in the studio before Wednesday. (Which will be round three of chemo! UGH!) I got a good start on the zine I am working on and I'd like to chip away a bit more on it before I am forced to go into survival mode. I am hoping it stays cool this week-the studio gets so hot and even my skookum digital fan can't seem to keep it cool enough for me to work in there. I am not keen on hot weather. Not at all. Bring on the rain, I say!

So, that's all the news from my little corner of the world. How's by you?

Get Your Tickets!

Some time ago I posted* about making charms for the Ties That Bind art doll project to raise funds for ovarian cancer research. The doll was assembled from many, many handmade charms and altered men's ties created by almost 100 artists and was completed in March, 2009.

The exciting news is that raffle tickets are now available by clicking on the photo link above. I've also posted the link on my sidebar in case you'd like to purchase tickets at a later date, but don't wait too long!! The draw will take place on September 30th, 2009.

Tickets are 1 for $5 or 6 for $20 with 100% of the proceeds going to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.

*To read my previous posts about the project, click here.

Aqua Dog!

As promised, here's a brief clip of Indy at the lake yesterday. I used our digi camera so the audio is all garbled. (It's just random people talking on the beach, so you're not missing anything.) Next time I will take my Flip which does much better with sound. (Live and learn!)

Anyway, feel free to adore my sweet dog. I just love seeing him so happy and he's happiest when he's in the water, doing what Labs do best-swimming and retrieving.

Weekend Review

Sunday was our son's Commencement Ceremony, down at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver. There were 400 in his graduating class and 383 of them showed up, making for a very long ceremony. The kids did not come up for their diplomas in alphabetical order, so it was a challenge keeping track of who was next so we could get photos and it turned out that our son walked the stage after about 360 students. It was worth the wait though, because he graduated with honours!

He had flip flops on when we took pictures at the house and what was really funny is that most of the kids actually wore flip flops to the ceremony. You could hear them snapping as they crossed the stage.

The other really funny thing is that with the gown comes this red collar that makes the "V" on top of the gown. When we took the pics at home, he had it on backwards and the seam wasn't lined up with his shoulders. I now have several very nice pics of him wearing it wrong. I never noticed! *laughs* We were just trying to get some photos before he left. It never pays to be in a hurry!

I supposed I should explain about the Scooby Doo cake. When my husband and I went to order a cake for the party we were having after the ceremony, my husband suggested we get a one in a theme he'd had growing up, instead of a boring hat and diploma cake.

The first cake we ever got our son was a Sesame Street one and while we were looking through the cake book, I saw the Scooby one. Carver grew up being a big fan of Scooby Doo and had never had that particular cake, so we chose it. It also left us with enough room to have the writing we wanted on it. I have to tell you, it was the most delicious cake we've ever had. WE may just have to order another for his 18th birthday which is on Saturday. (Yes, the partying never stops at my house!)

We still have an awards ceremony to attend tomorrow night. He's getting an award and only families whose kids are up for an award are invited. I think there's a reception and everything. There is also a dinner put on for parents for kids who are doing the chef program. I think that one is in a couple of weeks. It feels like I've been running a marathon this last month with all the events we've been to or hosted or prepared for. I am exhausted! It's a good thing we only have one child-I can't imagine doing this over and over again, even though it was fun and we are so proud of him.

Yesterday, my husband had the day off, so we took Indy to Buntzen Lake, to the special dog beach to swim. It was smokin' hot here-about 29C so it was really good to go off to the wilds for a bit where it was cooler. Just as we arrived on the beach, a bald eagle flew right over our heads. It was so beautiful!

Here's Indy heading out to get his Kong. He has a special one that's made for the water (it's filled with foam and has a rope so you can fling it far) which he loves. He swam non-stop for 2 hours. Labs are such elegant swimmers. They have webbed toes so they look like otters in the water and once they get in, they will swim till you are exhausted! He loves the water and it was alot of fun watching him swim. I like to see my dog happy.

The water is so good for his coat too-when he comes out he's so nice and soft. Labs have a special coat for being in the water. It may get wet on top, but it takes alot to get wet in the under layers of their fur. When they shake off, they are pretty well dry. I saw other dogs there that are not aquatic dogs (Shepards, poodles, etc.) and when they would come out of the water, they could barely stand up their coats were so saturated. The water would just pour off them. It explains why they look so awkward swimming too-their fur is pulling them down, like someone trying to swim fully clothed.

Today is going to be a catch up day. I have some projects sitting on my desk that need my attention, so I am going to grab a quick brekki and get down to business. Can you believe it's JUNE already? Where does the time go?