Friday, June 17, 2005

In A Moment of Clarity

*Warning: Deep thoughts!*

I had the most interesting experience last night at this party I went to. First of all, it was a dinner for a friend who is retiring her business so it was a send off thing for her, which in and of itself was very nice.There were alot of women there from varous aspects of her life and I knew about 3/4's of them.

I arrived fairly early so I plunked myself in a seat and three women came to join me. One I have known for a long time, one I know through another friend and one I didn't know at all. (Lovely woman all.) We all got chatting and playing catch up. Before long we were talking about Jan's books, my trip to NYC, my teaching, my website and so on. So I am sitting there, filling people in on what I have been up to and it starts to feel like an out of body experience. I hear myself reviewing my life in the last couple of years and I have the revelation that I lead a pretty magical life. Here I am working at something I love and making good money, having pretty much had things fall into my lap. (Although my friend Penn insists I work hard for it, I just think the universe keeps plunking it down and going "Here!") Success is happening and the most important part (for me anyway) is the fact that I have these really deep and meaningful relationships with people. It's the connections with the people who mean the most in my life that I feel most satisfied about. It's that feeling of knowing I am making a meaningful contribution to the world with the gifts I have that makes me happiest.

When the Dalai Lama came here last year and I went to hear him speak, one thing he said is that the main job we have as human and spiritual beings is to use our time here on earth to help move mankind foreward. By foreward he meant to do the work you are destined to do in your life time-to find what that is and work to improve the human condition however you can.I think last night I got a taste of what that looks like for me by experiencing my life as if I too was listening to myself tell it. My experience has always been this feeling of serendipidy-of being exactly where I was meant to be in exactly the right moment. It's about opening the doors of my soul wide and allowing things to unfold as they were meant to. It's about being aware in a way that goes beyond my 5 senses, which I have always had and been conscious of, but sort of took for granted.

I have often thought of my life as this grand adventure and while alot of people have a clear plan of what they want to do, I have just never been able to formulate one. I can't see what it is I want to do for any great length of time. I used to be a bit freaked out about it because other people I know settle on something and that's it. I have come to the realization that I am a dreamer and a creator and that's a fluid thing which is why I can't formulate a life plan in terms of doing something forever.

So I have been living my life as if I am travelling without a map and enjoying the scenery and experiences along the way. I think that's just my way of being present in the moment. It's really about my journey not the destination. I have finally figured out that that's what I am doing and it feels really good to finally have an understanding of myself in this way. It's not about lacking goals or focus. Anyone who knows me personally will tell you I am a doer and will move mountains once I get an idea in my head.

Lacking-that's an icky word. I think that is part of why I was freaked out. The world tells you you have to fit into a nice neat box and be just like everyone else. Not so. A cut and dried life plan is not for everyone. Maybe that is why I chose the blog template "The Crazy Ones" for my blog this week. Serendipidy. It's exactly what I figured out last night.

I was also reminded that I am surrounded by the most amazing group of friends, whom I love with all my heart. They enrich, inspire and bless my life everyday precisely because of who they are as unique and precious individuals. It just doesn't get any better than this.

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