1000th Post

I've known for some time that my 1000th post was coming up and I wanted it to be something meaningful, so with that in mind, I wanted to share a story about Hope.

You see, this morning, I got up earlier than I normally do and put on this t-shirt (above) to go out to a local park and volunteer at the BC Multiple Sclerosis Society's yearly fundraiser, the MS Walk. But let me back up a little, so you'll understand why.

You see, just over a year ago, after extensive testing, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. For those of you who don't know what MS is, the easiest way to explain it is like this: It's an incurable and life altering disease. What happens is the body's immune system somehow gets confused and thinks the body is under attack and so the immune system kicks into high gear. When this happens, the immune system eats through the protective coating (Myelin) of the nerves in the brain and spinal cord, leaving them damaged and exposed. It's like a rat chewing through a telephone wire and then trying to get a call signal to go through the wires like it normally does. It doesn't work. This means ANYTHING in the body, controlled by nerves, which essentially is EVERYTHING can be affected. Depending on how bad the damage is, the nerves can some times recover (though they'll never be as good as they once were) or they won't and the damage becomes permanent.

MS is a highly complicated and individual disease. No two people are alike and no two disease patterns are alike.This means when you ask a doctor what the prognosis is going to be, they usually said "I don't know." If you have MS, you hear it alot. It's not that the doctors are being lazy or keeping anything from you, it's just that they honestly don't know. When you have this disease, you learn to live with the certainty of uncertainty.

There are four kinds of MS and theoretically, if you had to choose which type you had, you would want to have relapsing-remitting. (RRMS) This means your MS would have times where the disease is active and times when it's in remission. If you have this kind of MS, you can take disease modifying drugs. (DMDs) These are NOT a cure, but can help reduce the frequency and length of relapses. There's no real way to know if they are working or not-it's one of those things where you just have to trust the science.

The other three types of MS mean your disease is in pretty much a constant state of doing damage and the toll on your body just mounts. If you have anything other than relapsing-remitting MS, you cannot take the disease modifying drugs-they won't help.

So...with all that said, since my diagnosis, I have been through the wringer with treatments-most of which have not helped and actually made me sicker. At one point, I actually developed aseptic meningitis as a side effect from one treatment. I walked around for 3 weeks with my head literally killing me and didn't realize that was what was wrong. (Apparently, I've got a very high pain tolerance.)

Initially, I chose to only share my diagnosis with what I think of as my sacred circle-my closest, most trusted friends and loved ones. When something this devastating invades your life, there's really no room to worry about other people's feelings about what's happened to you- it's all you can do to cope with your own. You need time to get strong emotionally before you tell more than a few people and it's essential to circle your wagons.

I was also afraid that if word got out, it might affect my professional life. Art has been a great coping mechanism for me through the worst of times and I knew that if invitations to do the work I loved stopped happening because people heard I was ill and started making decisions about what I could and couldn't do, it would absolutely break my heart and I really didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me or to start thinking about me as "that girl with MS." because I am so much more than that.

Now here's the part about hope, if you've read this far:

Everyone I told, with the exception of a single person (whom I choose not to judge) stepped up and let me know without a doubt that they had my back.

You see, when something ugly like this happens to you, the gift in it all is that you learn in the deepest and most meaningful ways who loves you. You get to really understand what you mean to the people in your life.

People in my sacred circle have come with me to appointments and sit there holding my hand while I've had painful treatments or heard difficult news from my doctors. They've called to check up on me, sent crazy emails to make me laugh or to say "That sucks!". They've filled my mailbox with thoughtful gifts, offered prayers, driven me to the hospital so I don't have to expend precious energy dealing traffic, or just simply listen when I've needed to vent. They have protected and cared for me and my family in every conceivable way.

There are two reasons that I know I can weather this storm in my life: I have all these angels around me, lifting me up and I have the BC and Canadian MS Society supporting me. The work the MS society does is vital to MS patients and their families. They offer MS education resources, a wide variety of support and advocacy services and most importantly, they work tirelessly to find a cure for this disease that irrevocably changes our lives.

This is my second year participating in the MS walk. Through the generosity of friends and family near and far who were "in the know", my team was able to raise well over $1000 this year and spent today doing the 5 km walk on my behalf. That's pretty incredible, given the state of the world economy right now. It says alot about how much my peeps and their friends (many of which don't even know me!) care.

I walk because I know how blessed I am. I feel it with every fibre of my being and it's important to give back. I walk because I know there are people out there who do not have the support system I have but I also know that no matter what, the MS Society will be there for them because no one should have to go through something like this alone.

This is the stuff that HOPE is made of. It's what keeps me strong. Michael J. Fox, a fellow Canadian, said it best when he spoke of how he thinks of his Parkenson's. He said "Everyone has their own bag of hammers." It's true, we all do. Mine just happens to be MS. I look at him and he's a shining example of how to deal with something ugly and hard with grace and class. Yes, it sucks-I'll be the first one to tell you that-but it is what it is and so there's nothing to do but move forward. I'm still working and laughing and living my life-it just involves an insane amount of visits to the hospital now and a medical team large enough that I feel the need to assign numbers and hand out hockey jerseys, but I'll deal.

So the proverbial cat is out of the bag and now you all know. The funny thing is that you would never know by looking at me, I promise you. MS is often invisible, which is both a blessing and a curse. I started chemotherapy a week and a half ago (a drastic measure to try and get my MS under control) and today, at the walk, not a single person would have guessed it.

Everyone had a story about why there were doing the walk and somehow, basking in the sunshine, in the park on a beautiful spring day, there's some comfort and healing in the sharing those of those stories.

For more information about MS, please visit the Canadian MS Society.

Music + Art = Magic

Copyright Tattered Edge 2009

I had a page left over from a class at Artfest and decided to play with it and this is what I ended up with. I kind of like it and I might just mat and frame it. The colours are coming from underneath the black paint. Sometimes it pays to experiment. I might just make a few more pieces like this. While I was working, there was, as always music playing. What was I listening to today? Look below!

I wanted to share with you a group I really enjoy. It's The Wailin' Jennys. If you like meaningful, beautifully crafted lyrics, along with sweet harmonies and string music, then this is the group for you.

This video is called "One Voice" and is from the 40 Days album. The entire album is magical and worth every penny. It's soft, soothing music for in the studio. If you like The Be Good Tanyas or The Indigo Girls, you will enjoy The Wailin' Jennys. And as if their way with music and lyrics wasn't enough, I also love them because some of the Jennys are Winnipeggers, like me! *grins*

One Voice (Ruth Moody)

This is the sound of one voice

One spirit, one voice

The sound of one who makes a choice

This is the sound of one voice

This is the sound of voices two

The sound of me singing with you

Helping each other to make it through

This is the sound of voices two

This is the sound of voices three

Singing together in harmony

Surrendering to the mystery

This is the sound of voices three

This is the sound of all of us

Singing with love and the will to trust

Leave the rest behind it will turn to dust

This is the sound of all of us

This is the sound of one voice

One people, one voice

A song for every one of us

This is the sound of one voice

This is the sound of one voice

Artfest: Part 3

So I got a bit side tracked while posting all the Artfest pics, but this is the last bunch I have to share. There's a bit of everything here-the fort, the food, some of the work I did in class, (not my best work, but that wasn't the point-the point was to learn the techniques) and some of the birthday gifts friends made and gave to me. (I was spoiled rotten!)

I am busy finishing up an article and getting ready to write another. I've got several projects on the burner, which always makes me happy.

Speaking of articles, my latest one is coming out in the newest issue of Portals Zine. This issue is all about Home and I am sure it's going to be wonderful. This zine just keeps getting better and better. If you want to order a copy, now's the time to do so!

And one more important thing I want to share before I sign off. I am just a few posts away from my 1000th post! Yes, it's true! I will have to come up with something special to celebrate!

Okay, it's time for me to get back to work! Happy creating everyone!

For Lisa

So Sunday afternoon was spent making this gift for my best friend Lisa. I've been meaning to make her something for awhile now and finally had the time to sit down and create. I was inspired by a necklace that Jacque, one of my housemates at Artfest and new friend, gave me for my birthday. The necklace she made me is asymmetrical, which I love and that gave me the idea for this piece.

I bought the ribbon in Port Townsend, Wa. at the bead store a year ago and had been hoarding it for some time, but it seemed too perfect for this project, not to use it.

I also got the hand charm at the bead store-I bought a couple because they are double sided. I love hand themed things.

You can't tell from this photo, but this side of the hand has numbers 1-3 on the palm, along the lines of the palm.

My best friend is an RMT and so I thought using the hands as a symbol for the healing work she does with her own hands was perfect.

Lisa is the kind of friend everyone should have. She is incredibly smart and wise. She is always giving and loving. I have great admiration for her as a woman and as a human being. She has stuck with me through the best and worst of times and always found ways to make the bad stuff laughable.

So Lisa, this one's for you dear friend, in gratitude for all the ways you bless my life. I am so lucky to call you my friend and to think of you in my heart as my sister. xo

Life Is Good

So it's the Easter long weekend and my husband and I are rediscovering what being a couple without kids is like. Our son is away for 9 days and so we're home alone, which so rarely happens, though it's a sign of things to come as he will be graduating high school in about a month and a half. *boggles*

We decided to spend the day enjoying the outdoors. We started off with taking Indy to the dog park nearby for about an hour to let him run around off leash so he could burn off some of his endless puppy energy. Then we hopped back in the car and drove into Vancouver to Stanley Park, one of our most favourite places.

We got there just before noon and started off by having the picnic lunch I had packed, then we set off on the sea wall. The sea wall loops around perimeter of the park and if you are walking at a comfortable pace, it takes about 3 hours to go all the way 'round. There's paving the whole way with two separate parallel paths-one for pedestrians and one for cyclists and rollerbladers, so everyone can safely enjoy the loop.

We spent about 4 hours walking. When you have a dog, everyone wants to meet you and pet your dog and of course your dog wants to meet every single dog they pass, so you're stopping and starting alot, which was perfectly fine, since we had all the time in the world.

The pic above was taken on the ocean side of the park. Someone had just carved the words into the sand and I thought that yes, life is good if you are at the park on a Friday, with the love of your life, walking your puppy. Sometimes we forget that our lives are made up of small moments of sheer goodness that we often don't stop long enough to recognize and savour.

There is an area of the park called "Lost Lagoon" and this little beggar was lurking along the shoreline watching the tourists feeding the ducks and trying to figure out if he was going to get anything or not. He didn't and wandered off into the underbrush.

I spotted this turtle farther around the lagoon. Sometimes in the summer, you can see them sunning themselves on the rocks. I like turtles.

Okay, this is a horrible picture, but it's a swan along the lagoon sitting on her nest. The park staff have cordoned it off so it's protected from tourists. There are 4 eggs in the nest. Swans can be vicious when they are protecting their young, so it's probably a good thing there's this mesh fence up.

Finally, there are signs of spring are all around. This flower is bachelor's buttons in one of the gardens in the park. They are quite small-about the size of a quarter but I love their colour-it reminds me of pink lemonade.

I'm not really sure what kind of flowers these are but after the unseasonably long winter we've had on the coast, they're a welcome site. We saw LOTS of ornamental cherry trees in bloom. We have so many here because we're on the Pacific Rim and have a very high Asian population in Vancouver. The cherry trees are Japanese in origin and the Vancouver Cherry Blossom Festival is happening now.

Vancouver boasts over 36, 000 pink and white cherry trees and there are organized tours you can go on to properly appreciate them! Believe me, they are spectacular.

This is the horse drawn trolley tours of the park going by. We did this at Xmas one year and it was alot of fun. *SO* touristy, but sometimes it's fun to be a tourist in your own town.

This is Siwash Rock, a sea stack, the only one of its kind in Stanley Park along the sea wall. It's a well known landmark in the city.

Driving home, I noticed this for the first time, near the corner by the Vancouver Art Gallery. I don't know how many times I have passed this corner and never seen it, but then again, it could be fairly new...

The Vancouver Art Gallery. Sometimes when you drive by this side of the building you see strange things advertising the current show. This display is not wild like some of the things I've seen.

Okay see the man statue on the left? Every time I go by, I want to stop and take a proper pic, but it's in such an awkward place parking-wise that unless you are walking in that area, there's nowhere to stop and do so.

Anyway, this is in front of the Buschelan Mowatt Gallery and this statue is so cool. It's made entirely from stainless steel alphabet letters, which look to be no more than about five inches tall. The way it's put together, it looks like a 3d figure of a man, but you can see right through it. Taken from this perspective, (whizzing by in a car!) you can only see the figure, but up close, you can see each and every random letter. I love this piece. I wish I owned it-it's brilliant and I never get tired of looking at it!

Here's the link to the artist Jaume Plensa's page on the gallery site and an up close pic of the piece. If you look at my pic and then the gallery pic, you can appreciate how amazing this work is.

This is part of the Vancouver Public Library. They built this building a few years ago, but I love the architecture. From this shot, you can't see how wonderful it truly is but the whole thing has a coliseum feel to it.

This shot gives you a sense of what I mean. The way it is situated on the corner is really interesting and adds to the skyline. Here is a view of the atrium. If I weren't an artist, I would enjoy being and architect. (But alas, I am not a math whiz.) I love looking at the lines of structures, the materials they are made from and how the colours and shapes fit together. When I went to NYC, it was a feast for the eyes.

Speaking of structures, this sad little shot (again, taken while whizzing by in a car) is the 2010 Olympic's Athlete's Village. I've walked by on foot and it's really, really nice. I even walked over the pretty bridge there, that very soon, hundreds of Olympic Athletes will walk over. The village is located on False Creek waterfront and I think the Athletes will enjoy the view, especially at night.

And last, but not least, this is Indy sleeping in the back seat on the way home. He's so adorable. He insisted on stretching out across the back seat so he could have his head on my husband's jacket. How he could sleep with head and neck in that position is beyond me, but he looked so sweet. I think we wore him out finally!

So...that was my day and a glimpse of Vancouver. Sometimes it's nice to get out of the studio and get inspired by the natural beauty. We certain have a wealth of it here!

Artfest 2009, Part 2

More Artfest goodness. This time the slides are from show and tell. I was going to go in chronological order and then thought "Who cares?!" and just uploaded what I felt like sharing today.

I have more pics from the Show & Tell that I will post later. I just thought I would get this up now, while I had a few minutes to spare.

I also wanted to share this photo with you. This is my friend &rew (Andrew) who grabbed me when he spotted me at Show & Tell and said "Come see my painting!!" as he pulled me along.

When I saw this was his, I was in awe. I told him that I had walked by that class several times throughout the day and saw people with their noses pressed right up against their canvasses dabbing ever-so-carefully with their brushes on some tiny detail. I told him there's no way I could have done that class-I would have gone blind.

He did such a beautiful job of it, it feels as if you can walk right through the canvass, into the scene. I am not a painter, but I can sure appreciate the time and talent it took to create this piece. And the grin of satisfaction on his face says it all! &rew, this is a gorgeous piece and you have every right to be proud. God, I feel like such a neophyte. Seriously, though, I bow to your greatness.

Okay, off to have a late dinner and enjoy my husband's company. More Pics tomorrow!

Artfest 2009, Part 1

I just pulled all the photos off the camera and uploaded and organized them on my hard drive. WHEW! I didn't realize how many I took until I did this!

So the first slide show is all the trades I received over 5 days, including some pics of the Inspiration Deck, which was a collaborative project with my housemates. The idea was to have art on one side, then some sort of inspiration to turn to on the other, for days when we're feeling stuck.

A few of the ladies had never done a collaborative like this before and were feeling anxious about whether or not they had done a good job, but once they saw how wonderfully all the contributions melded together, it was all good. The deck turn out amazing and I think it will be a nice keepsake of Artfest 2009.

When I was laying out all my trades so I could take photographs (quick ones, with everything just plunked on my bed!) I was amazed at how many there were and how different each one was for the next. The talent pool at Artfest runs deep!

This second slide show is of pieces from the Artfest gallery, based on the sea monster theme. There were several I just fell in love with. Who wouldn't want a velvet octopus in their studio? I don't remember who made it (alas!) but it was my favourite piece, along with the mermaid necklace Jacque my housemate and new found friend made. Just so you know, as the slide show plays, mouse over the pics to see the captions. That way you'll know what you're looking at.

One thing I really enjoy about being exposed to so much art is that I see things that I look at every day, but I see it being used slightly differently-different assemblage of materials, different colour pallets, and so on. It allows me to consider new possibilities about what I can do with the materials I have here in the studio. One thing I was blessed with was the ability to look at something and figure out (most of the time) how to do it myself. (Thanks to my Gramps-those genes came directly from him.) The trick is getting it down on paper before I lose the idea. You know how it goes-you get a flash a brilliance and then it's gone!

I am still tidying up the studio and putting things away. It's a challenge finding just the right spot for all my new treasures. I'll share some more Artfest goodness with you when I get another window of time to post. Until then, enjoy!

Settling Back In

Artfest Logo by Tracy Moore 2009

Home again, safe and sound, if not totally exhausted from the frenetic energy that is Artfest. I've spent today tending to pressing life matters and reconnecting with my guys and most adoringly, my puppy. THANK YOU to my best friend Lisa, for coming over to take care of Indy in my absence. Indy assures me he had the best time hanging out with his best friend too.

I am working on taking pics of all the wonderful trades I received. I always save them for when I get home, so I can savour them. I like to take time to marvel over the precious details of each one and to check out the websites of the generous artists who gave them to me.

I was stressing over not having made as many trades this year as in the past, but my worries were unfounded, as I had more than enough to share and folks also just gave me stuff for the sake of giving. It's this aspect of Artfest that I enjoy the most-the generosity of spirit. It's an important reminder that art is for sharing and I thank each and every one of you who shared your gifts with me.

Speaking of sharing, I have lots I want to write about Artfest here, but it's going to take me a few days to get it all posted as I am also working on getting my son off on an important, life-changing trip in 2 days. It never fails that in my life, everything always has to happen at once. People wonder why I am so good at organization and time management-it's purely a survival skill, I assure you!

So keep your eyes open for lots of Artfest content over the next few days. I will do my best to get it posted in a timely manner so you can share in the wonder of it all. Back in a jiff!