So here we are in the freshest moments of 2009. Everyone around me in blogland is posting about their intentions for the new year-new projects and words that will become the focus and direction of their lives, both artistically and otherwise. Everyone is making plans and moving foreword.
So what am I doing? I'm sitting here with no idea about what my word should be. No idea what projects I will be working on this year. Yes, that's right, I'm a blank canvass right now.
At first I was feeling distressed about not knowing. It bothered me because I am a natural organizer, an innovator, someone who knows what it takes to get from A-B and is always leading the charge. The more I've struggled with trying to figure it all out, the most upset and frustrated I've became. This stuff is usually so easy for me.
Then I began to see it for what it really was. I was looking for something to do (oh I am such an infamous a do-er!) and perhaps what I really need to focus on right now is just to find peace in simply being. To be okay with the not knowing. To sit in silence and feel comfortable with it.
Metaphorically, I think I need to be the leaf in the stream. I need to just enjoy the journey of floating down the river and see where it takes me. I have not one but two Buddhas here in the studio. The Buddahs are always sitting quietly with their eyes closed, focused on their inner selves. They are calm and peaceful. I need to embrace that inner Zen I know I have and allow things to unfold as they may. It's not just about trusting the universe, but also trusting myself. To allow my instincts and intuition to guide me wherever I need to be and to do whatever I am meant to be doing. Pretty crazy eh? Well it is and it isn't, depending on how you look at it.
"If you want a quality, act as if you already had it."
Acting as if. It's an interesting concept. What would happen in our lives this year if we acted as if we were smart enough or talented enough or wise enough or any of the other hundreds of things we think we are not? I am willing to bet there would be some mighty powerful changes in our lives.
So right now, my resolution for the new year is going to be to act as if I know what I am doing and where I am going (even though right now I don't) and I will trust that the way will be made clear as I make my way though this year. I am going to act as if all will be well. May it be so.
Perspective, it's a wonderful thing.